I was sent this image of unknown date that illustrates Jan's big problem. Work. Pictured here is a younger Jan in a workspace, unable to make use of his genitals, and playing it off like it's a big joke. Add a few years, a few pounds, and a ton of genital hostility, and you have an image of modern-day Jan.

With apologies, Jan hasn't done much lately but sit at a desk and put on weight, but now with the summer upon him, he's getting a little more free time. Jan plus free time equals blog posts.

Jan decided to celebrate the change of the season with a brave new look from his baltic homeland. His nona or whatever sewed this up from scraps of other awful vests littering her village back in Sweden or Switzerland or wherever Boba Janni tends sheep or whatever. She also sent a giant block of choco-nut-loaf (seen here in tin foil) which I must say, was delicious, but required an entire glass of unpasturized buttermilk to with every bite.

Cousin Larry would be underwhelmed.

Not be beat a theme to death, but here we go. The theme is Jan's awful diet. The answer is "a two-pound hybrid cheese burger make from several single layer burgers frankensteined together". The question is "what is wrong with Jan". To be fair, if you were to take a concept like bachelorhood and represent it as a meal, it would not be vegetarian safe.

Gout is described as painful arthritic attacks of the joints caused by crystallization of urates within and about the joints. Words like by excruciating, sudden, unexpected, burning pain, as well as swelling, redness, warmth, and stiffness are bandied about as well. The whole deal is caused by elevated uric acid in the bloodstream.

Ragusa lists uric acid as a major ingredient after sugar and cocoa.

Jan ate three blocks of these paralyzing nougat bars and now uses a skateboard to roll between his living room and the bathroom.

When Jan was in school, being a starving would-be artist, he couldn't afford to stay in residence, so him and three friends took a lease on a nearby storage unit and pirated power from a light socket.

Jan has many things to not be proud of, but driving under the influence is near the top of his personal best of the worst. Simply enough, Jan had his car parked on a street and needed to move it to private parking while under the influence. He figured it would be simple enough, but nothing is ever simple in Jan's life. No one was hurt, but Jan would like to take the time to remind people that there is no such thing as being a "little too drunk to drive".

Why do killers take trophies? Keeping a souvenir, be it a jewelry or a lock of hair or a finger, helps them relive the fantasy of the crime. Police often look for these items at suspects homes; often something the victim was wearing at the time of the crime.

Why does Jan keep trophies? Jan keeps trophies, you ask? See this wall? Turns out Jan has kept a momento from every girl he's ever dated / met / lured into his home. I find the retainer and shaving kit the most troubling.

Okay sure, it's no sex tape, and I'm not ruling out the discovery of some long lost super awesome sex tape, but it's the best discovery I've come across since, well, the sex tape soundtrack he keeps in his washroom. Enjoy the horror that is, small town drunken rocker Jan. I never would have pegged him as a Sodom fan, but there you have it.

Any trip though Jan's apartment can be a fanciful event full of eye-opening surprises. Earlier this week, yours truly had a chance to be in his apartment when an unnamed third-party made a magical discovery. Jan had a copy of something called "Vintage Sex Songs", in his bathroom of all places. He also keeps a chair in his bathroom, for purposes unknown. Below is the first actual glimpse of Jan's living quarters caught on film.

It's no secret that Jan hasn't had the most luck with his hair. It hasn't always been his best friend or representative. According to Jan's stylist, his hair suffers from mad curliness with the application of moisture, and now that his hair is becoming shorter, the effect is more pronounced. Jan modified his Hitler-chic and ended up with a Michael Richards / Lyle Lovett / Depeche Mode kind of thing. He explained that he was going for a playful, boyish 50's paperboy feel, but the effect looks more like someone who converted from Rastafari to regular Christian and stayed up trying to unravel their dreads with a pick all night. I and I are confused by the look, but wish him well.

And now, finally, a happy post for poor Janzo. Long time friend and roommate (name withheld) is coming back. (name withheld) has been travelling the globe expanding his mind and engaging the locals with his weird trip wherever he goes? So what does this mean for Jan? Well (name withheld) actually acts as a stablizer and calming influence in Jan's life, so let's see how this shapes these entries in the months to come.

In other news, the third Janzo poll has closed: Jan has Hepatitus and we're all very excited. There's still no immediate plan to replace his phone, so his new strategy has been to simply not use the phone. This makes things difficult, now that he's dating again! Lots to report.

I have a private plea from Jan. Last night he was again forced to use a public payphone in light of the loss of his cell phone, and a prostitute - possibly a transexual based on the description - ran up and assaulted him with a kind of running dry-hump. He's fine, but he's shaken and his dignity took a hit, and he needs your help. If every one of you clicked on one of his sponsor ads, we might be able to get poor Jan his life back in order.