JANZO

Jan once told me he and a buddy snuck a brick of cheese into a steak house to augment their meal. Yesterday I found out that Jan's mom or aunt or some relative-enabler brought him an eight pound wheel of Swiss, non-swiss cheese from the homeland. A wheel of cheese is at best, novelty proportions. Still, he was so thankful and moved, that he never put it down. It's almost all gone now. Strips of the rind peel litter his apartment. It's day three.

On that note, weight-related illnesses kill 300,000 Americans annually. One of them is going to kill Jan by Tuesday, so we're doing a real quick poll to find out what the most likely culprit will be. You've heard the evidence, now render your final verdict.