JANZO

Jan is a sad bastard. A bachelor, cursed to walk the earth alone. Alive but undead, trapped in a personal rut. Unloved. Alone. Question: what would be more lonely than going for a walk or a bike ride around town by yourself? Answer: doing it in your apartment. The best way to think of static rollers is like a virtual riding simulator that gets you to the end of your street and then throws you into a wall or over your handlebars. Only gravity's masters can ride on this thing, so the machine is actually designed to add injury to the insult. I'm waiting till he either loses interest in it or is put into traction before offering to help patch his drywall.